


Like the embers of your eyes

by ThatOneGirlBehindYou



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: All the Nein are here I'm just not gonna tag them all, Canon Compliant, M/M, Pining, Pre-Slash, Resurrection, Somewhat, Widomauk Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-03-26 11:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19005325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneGirlBehindYou/pseuds/ThatOneGirlBehindYou
Summary: Molly dies. Molly comes back. How Caleb feels about this, not even Caleb's sure of.Written for Widomauk Week 2019 Day 1: Reunion





	Like the embers of your eyes

Caleb has learned a great many things in life. One of those things is that life itself is not gentle, nor fair.

Another,is that life loves to destroy beautiful things.

It destroyed his and Astrid's and Eodwulf's beautiful lives, their love for their families, their innocence.

It destroyed Nott's -Veth, she's Nott but she's also Veth, somedays one more than the other but always both, because they took it from her once and they will not take it again- her family, her very being.

It destroyed Molly, who only ever wanted to use his second chance at life to do good, to leave everyone better than he found them.

If life were fair, his parents would've never been burdened with a son such as him. Eodwulf and Astrid would have had normal lives. Veth Brenatto would've been able to raise her son in peace, and greet her husband every night with a kiss.

If life were fair, Mollymauk Tealeaf would have at least had a glorious ending befitting of him.

Caleb's feelings for the tiefling were always confusing at best, and anxiety-provoking at worst. He's a walking rainbow, he can't help you. Why are you with him? His death did little to assuage these doubts, and Caleb merely added a brightly colored mark to the tally of people that had met their ends because of him. If Caleb had only been strong enough to slow Lorenzo down; if he'd only focused in healing magic instead of following the path of fire; if only it had been him who took that guard with Yasha or Fjord.

So many ifs and none of them help him sleep better, when all he can remember is the terrible, limp weight of Molly's body as he maneouvered him out of the colorful coat, the sweat in his curls as he pushed the hair out of his face before _dragged him into his grave_.

 _Shine bright, Circus Man_ he'd said. _Wish you'd never crossed paths with me_ he'd added in his mind.

For all that he loves the others, he knows perfectly well that calamity follows him like vultures follow an army, and they would all be much better off if he'd left Nott with them that first night after the carnival and just squirrelled away to try and fix the past on his own, without involving this bunch of innocent assholes.

"You're thinking of him again" says Caduceus in his low, affable voice. As usual, he sounds like he's only halfway in the present, and Caleb envies him. He'd like to not be in the present at all, most of the time. "This Mollymauk"

"How would you know?" Caleb asks, his hand hovering a few inches over Nott's forehead. He'd brush her hair back from her face, if it wouldn't wake her. She's always so aware of touch and doesnt't realize how brave she is for wearing this face that was thrust upon her.

"You get quiet when the moon is full. And you keep looking at the periapt." one of his long white ears twitches, and he gestures with his chin to the gleaming red gemstones over his own chest. They look like his eyes.

"Ah, ja... I'm sorry."

"No need." Caduceus says. "I too am sorry that it could not save him."

Caleb feels a broken chuckle escape his lips.

He wants to say that nothing could really have saved Molly, with his proclivity towards hurting himself to cause damage, his recklessness in battle, the way he tended to leave himself a tad too open, because he was so immersed in the fray.

Whether it was because of his Tiefling blood or his calling as a blood hunter, fight burned bright within him, and eventually it charred him to ashes.

There's a slight kneading at his thigh, and Caleb looks down to see Frumpkin purring at him with concern in his big shiny eyes.

"I am well, don't worry" he assures, and he's not sure if he's talking to the cat, to Caduceus or himself.

He's pretty sure it's a lie anyways, but none of them call him out on it.

\----------------------------

Caleb has learned a great many things in life. One of those things is that life itself is unpredictable and chaotic, and that it does not stop.

He didn't expect to find a new family after destroying his old one with his own hands, much less a family that insisted in protecting him from himself and his guilt as much as from whoever wanted to harm him in battle.

Nott certainly didn't expect Yeza to hold her with arms that were careful rather than wary, and to let her know that it didn't matter, that nothing mattered, because she was still her whether she was Nott or Veth, and because she was back.

Caleb most definitely didn't expect to see Yasha and Mollymauk loitering by the side of the road, the barbarian sharpening her sword and the hunter sitting calmly on a rock, whistling a merry tune and very clearly waiting for them to ride past them on the cart.

"I- Friends, there by the- is anyone else seeing-?" he tries to ask, only for his shaky stutter to be completely swallowed by Jester's loud, excited shriek.

"Oh my GOD!" she screams, jumping up and down and shaking the entire cart and gripping Fjord's shoulders with such strength it's definitely going to leave a mark. "Guys! Guys it's Molly! I mean it's also Yasha, Beau Yasha is there in case you want to like make yourself pretty or something but she's got Molly!"

Now that gets the attention of the rest of the group. Caleb would revel in their excitement, if he weren't drowning in his own emotions right now.

Feelings are overwhelming for him at the best of times, getting tangled in his thoughts and his tongue when he tries to voice them, but right now they're a wave buffetting him around underwater and he doesn't know up from down anymore.

A small, slightly cold hand comes to grip his, and he looks down to see Nott.

She's smiling gently at him, with the open, toothy smile she's only recently begun allowing the other nein to see, and she's squeezing his hand softly.

"It's alright Caleb" she says "It's alright"

"Yasha here kidnapped a Cleric, fella was none too happy about it but we paid her well" Molly's being quite literally lifted off his feet by Jester, as Beau punches his arm relentlessly, and he's laughing and hugging Jester back and so _alive_ that it makes Caleb's own breath run thin.

Then Molly's ruby eyes zone in on his like a Guidin Bolt, and it's all Caleb can do to lower his gaze and get to setting camp.

\----------------------------

Of course, Molly's demonstrated plenty of times before he's not one to budge before Caleb's insecurities, and when Caleb volunteers for the first watch he cheerfully says he'll keep him company. Caleb takes a look at his gleeful smile, the one he didn't realize he missed so much until it wasn't there anymore, and knows there's nothing he can do to get out of this.

To Molly's credit, he waits until everyone else is sound asleep before he even speaks.

"If it's worth something, _I_ am happy to see you" he says.

Caleb lets out a dry laugh, and his heart is beating so fast it's actually getting painful.

"I am" he replies "Happy. To see you I mean" God, why is he so bad at this? Why are written words so easy but once he tries to tell them to someone it becomes a mess?

"Could've fooled me" Molly leans to nudge Caleb's shoulder with his. Caleb does a pretty good job of not flinching, if you ask him. "Even this Caduceus fella actually went to say hi, and I don't even know him"

"I dug your grave" are the next words out of his mouth, and Caleb wishes the earth would swallow _him_ right now. "I took your coat to mark the spot, and I dragged you into it"

The coat is back, clean and colorful and with a couple new stitches, but all in all Mollymauk looks just like they did that morning before they ambushed the slavers.

"You didn't kill me though. You _do_ know that right? You weren't even close" Molly arches an eyebrow.

"I should have been" Caleb says, looking into the fire. They're pretty lousy guards, but he's almost entirely sure Nott is just pretending to be asleep. She'll keep an eye out.

"I'm glad you weren't" Molly, in contrast, is looking up at the full moon. A hand slips into Caleb's and he freezes. He doesn't want to look down, and he's not sure whether it's because he wants it to be real, or because he doesn't. "I saw the barbarian was going for you. I was going to go for her instead."

"Beauregard needed you more" Caleb says. His hand begins to come back to life and cling softly to the one resting on it.

"Beau's made to dole out punches, and to take them." Molly says simply. "I don't regret not going for the barbarian. But I should have. I know I wanted to"

"I... Cannot believe you're back" Caleb forces out at last. It's what most of the swirly mess in his head and chest can simmer down to. "After all this time"

"I can't believe it either most of the times, so that's alright" Molly's hand gives his a little squeeze, and a clawed thumb runs in soothing circles over his knuckles. "But I'm happy about it"

"I... Ja. I think I am, too" Caleb says.

Molly laughs again, and Caleb cracks a smile.

Perhaps this is newer than it is old, and his feelings about the tiefling are still ridiculously complicated, but as long as he's working hard on a second chance, he can do his best on another, if life has seemed it fit to give it to him.


End file.
